Birthday Post

It's my birthday today (don't ask!).

And I have the best present in the world... I'm back, writing this from a cybercafe in Wanchai, Hong Kong.

Yes, I ended up being trapped in England for five weeks! But I did attain my objectives:

1 -- I legally changed my name, and thus all associated ID's. I am now called Jaydin A. Starr.
2 -- Got a new 10 year biometric passport.
3 -- Started university studies. Legally enrolled and heading to a degree.
4 -- Formally took the Buddhist (Zen) precepts at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey.
5 -- Stopped smoking.
6 -- Have left nothing behind me (i.e. I'm carrying all my possessions in the world).

I've been here nearly a week, Oh, so nice to get back.

Here's a picture I took a couple of days ago. By pure coincidence, I was sitting in a fast-food restaurant when they ran past with the Olympic torch (honestly).

Afterwards there were loads of Chinese people waving Chinese flags, though most of them had been specially driven in from Guangzhou. I took this picture of a girl waving a flag patriotically. I like it because her friend taking a picture of her has a Manchester United shirt on.



I'll try and post more interesting things soon.

Still Going, and Back for a While

Well, I've crossed from North Thailand to Guangzhou, just above Hong Kong. I'm flying back to England on 14th March. Only for three weeks; don't worry, I'm still on the search for simplicity and Nirvanah.

I'm actually going up to take the Buddhist Precepts formally (Jukai) at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey in North England, while I wait for a new passport. I'll also sell the absolute last of my possessions, change my name by deed poll and hopefully be back there the start of April. I thought I'd put up a couple of recent pics.



This was the view from my room in Dali, China, north of where I entered.



Don't worry, I'm eating well. This was a simple eggplant dish. Goddam ambrosia.



This is on the way to foreigner street in Yangshou. I was back there about ten months ago; very nice to get back, and of course a lot of people remembered me.

All the pictures are here (Google album)...

Thailand to Yangshou 08

Not sure if I'll be able to post while I'm in Europe. Maybe I'll find Nirvana while in the temple and can come back with perfect wisdom? Either way, please be lucky in your own searches for freedom and contentment. I'll post more answers as my life uncovers them.

Self and Manifesting Kilesas

This is a map showing the three main delusions of Buddhism, greed, hate and delusion. The idea of the diagram is, after a long time observing the mind, it's possible to see many repeating varitions in thoughts and daydreams, on the same themes. So the self exists in the centre of the diagram. The are various fantasies in the mind, they are bason on aversion to something that happened in the past, or a desire for something to happen in the future etc.

There are some examples from an observation of my own mind. At the bottom left, it says 'school, starving and psychopath'. I've noticed there's a mental sequence that often plays, seemingly without my volition, in my mind, and it's about people, 'teachers and educators', being sadistic to me, cruel and hurtful (something that happened daily) and the fantasy continues (usually without my awareness at that point) to myself being at the same age and having decided not to eat anymore, I'm starving to death and free of the torment.

There's also a rarer fantasy, of myself at that age being diagnosed as having a psychopathic illness. I don't, incidentally! I don't even eat meat for pacifist reasons. But in the daydream, I've been diagnosed as dangerous, and the people around me are fearful and stay away from me.
So these two habitual fantasies, are based on aversion to the past.

But there's another daydream which starts often, which is being falsely accused of things I haven't done, usually by policemen, and going through the criminal justice system.
The word 'injustice' has been highlighted, because this is something that runs through all of them. In my past, there was this sadism and cruelty to me, and I've obviously carried it and now if fires avoidant type daydreams concerning my past and projections of the same basic emotion of pain I don't deserve as an aversion to a possible future.

The emotion this mindlessness causes fuels energy to the self which weaves the story of my past and future around itself and projects expectations onto other people and the future itself.
The idea of the diagram itself was to try and make some sense of the insight one gains into the self after an established mindfulness practice bears some fruit. Possibly the patterns that emerge can be linked to the life situation that one has created.

Although presently, I'm not sure this is a great idea. One has to bear in mind that the idea is to extinguish the self and be free of suffering, to pay to much attention to the mechanisms of self might in itself give it too much energy, and I'd be 'discovering myself with psychology' rather than 'freeing myself with Nirvana', thus it's not a practice I've continued.

Present Moment Magic

A map showing how staying in the moment, rather than focusing on desires in the future or lack in the past, increases presence and assists manifestation of positive desires.

Magic Sensation Map

I made this map well over a year ago. It shows my idea for a new sensation-way of practising/manifesting magic. It's quite involved but I'll try and explain how I drew it.

At the top left there are two little figures with 'sensation map' written by them, and dots over the figures. This is based on my observations that:

• The energy that manifests magic is the energy of emotion


• The energy that prevents manifestation is the energy of emotions


• The energy that creates our past and future is the energy of emotions


• The energy that creates positive manifestations in the future is positive belief and expectation


• The energy that creates negative manifestations in the future is negative belief and negative expectation


• All emotions have a corresponding energy


• The emotions felt in our body in any moment are experienced in physical sensations

Therefore, the system of magic I came up with involved making two human figure diagrams, one positive and one negative. While practicing magic, positive expectations (and thus karma/the future) were noted on the positive diagram, and the energy moved from the body to the diagram. The same was done with any spontaneous negative emotions/expectation. My system also made use of a 'storage system', basically, a small bottle of water carried permanently, to move negative sensation/emotion into moment-to-moment when it was noted.

The practice was, the sensation maps were used daily, the water transference constantly (whenever the negative sensation was noted). After one moon cycle (well, half actually), i.e. new to full moon, then the energy was released and grounded respectively, the negative by burying and the positive by burning.

The bottom left part of the diagram shows the idea was also to keep moment-to-moment consciousness in the present motion by focusing the the pure sensations.

Bottom right, the modalities part shows what to do with negative memories/thoughts, i.e. locate where they seem to be in consciouness/the body and transfer the energy to the water/away from the body. The mental pictures can be lessened by making them smaller or darker in consciousness. The 'ten possibilities' part means, once the negativity has passed, the practice was to dwell on, or come up with, at least ten positive possibilities contrary to the proceeding negativity, to reorientate the mind to positive/negative energy/sensations for later transference to the map.

Top right of the diagram shows the ethics of the system, i.e. make sure that magical goals/intentions have Nirvana/end of suffering as an ultimate goal and are within the precepts.

Yes, this was a very involved practice, and I'm practicing a much simplified and improved system now. All I can say is, it worked for me. I'm sitting here typing this in the situation I hoped to create. Watch this space for further additions/explanations/instructions on my method.

Chinese Rat Year Objectives

First post of the Chinese New Year. I've been working on a plan of what I hope to achive over the next two years. It's called 'The Dharma Willing Plan', as we live with impermanence and I can't be certain I'll even be here tomorrow.

But if I am, then I have a plan, or the work I want to do, study etc. It's a huge plan, with contacts, addresses, things to find out. It's colour coded, so contacts are one colour, steps to take are highlighted, bold and another colour, information I need to find out is another colour again. It'll be ongoing, as I change course and edited as lesser goals come and go, but the broad direction, dharma willing, remains the same. It's good to have such a general direction, as it ensures that the little mundane things I do here and there today are in keeping with my overall objectives, and it's also somewhere to store useful pieces of information, possibilities and contacts as I go along.

I'm posting just the first bit, rather than pages of meaningless contacts and phone numbers and questions, just to give the idea. The plan starts with pure objectives. Some of it uses a bit of personal code so it won't all make perfect sense.

Why don't you write up your lifeplan like this, broad goals, helpful contacts, more info needed. It's good direction.... something to think about!

Dharma Willing Ongoing Chronology

Put where more information is needed in lime green.

Orange indicates a choice needed to be made.

Blue is something to be done/a step/action.

 

Objectives

 

 Writing

 

The Magic Buddha

 

• 
  
       Write a book about magic and magical thinking in the practice of Buddhism
  
  
• 
  
       Publish
  
  
• 
  
       Market
  
  
• 
  
       Submit to agents and publishers

 

Strawberries

 

• 
  
  Write a book about romantic obsession and spirituality
  
  
• 
  
  Publish
  
  
• 
  
  Market
  
  
• 
  
  Submit to agents and publishers

 

The Drifters Guide to Education

 

• 
  
       Basically all the research I've done myself, concerning studying without a permanent address, corrected and rewritten. Published as a free or nearly free ebook.

 

Marketing/Web site

 

• 
  
  Run and maintain a regular newsletter
  
  
• 
  
  Run and maintain a regular podcast
  
  
• 
  
  Complete and sell an audiobook via podiobooks
  
  
• 
  
  Have ongoing inspirational pictures for sale and as a standalone website

 

 

Studying

 

• 
  
       Start studying at university level
  
  
• 
  
       Obtain at least a university diploma
  
  
• 
  
       Obtain a degree
  
  
• 
  
       Honours

 

Residence

 

• 
  
   Establish some permanent link to a country, via residence visa/nationality

 

Travel

 

• 
  
  See J or at least go to Japan to lessen the obsession, with reality.
  
  
• 
  
  See Korea, Japan and Mongolia
  
  
• 
  
  Do the Trans-siberian trip
  
  
• 
  
  Do a trip to/from Europe via central Asia. Possibly one big loop eg. HK to London and back again, tied it with exams.
  
  
• 
  
  Do a bus/rail pass journey of Europe to see as many countries as possible there

 

Spirituality

 

• 
  
  Free myself of romantic obsession
  
  
• 
  
  Strengthen practice
  
  
• 
  
  Visit a monastery at least yearly
  
  
• 
  
  Become a stream-winner
  
  
• 
  
  Find Nirvana

 

Timeline

 

• 
  
  Go to HK
  
  
• 
  
  Go to UK
  
  
• 
  
  Start studying
  
  
• 
  
  Back to Asia. Overland to Bangkok and back, studying, and complete The Magic Buddha and Strawberries. Commence and establish podcast and newsletter.
  
  
• 
  
  Submit work to agents/publishers.
  
  
• 
  
   Three last Far Eastern Countries - cure J obsession
  
  
• 
  
  Start second university year
  
  
• 
  
  Finish second year
  
  
• 
  
  Back to UK by land via central Asia. Exams.
  
  
• 
  
  Doctor. Tests.
  
  
• 
  
  Take stock and decide next move. Options
  
  
  
  
  • 
    
         Finish Degree
    
    
  • 
    
         Ordane
    
    
  • 
    
         Work
    
    
  • 
    
         Live from writing
    
    
  • 
    
         Move/stay in one place
    
    
  • 
    
         Alternative

Kilesas, Greed, Hate and Delusion, Covering Our Wounded Heart

How the three root kilesas of greed hate and delusion conspire to hold us back. Inside is the suffering in our closed heart, and that is denied with delusion, and there's delusion within about what we can do about that pain, and so we project greed, based on denying the fact of impermanence, into the world, and have aversion to things in the world, based on the delusion that a self exists seperately from things it perceives.