Good News for a Change

I just got the result back concerning my first course at university.

76% - Grade B - Good Pass

It took me a year and a half... but I'm, me!, I am the first one in my family to get a university qualification. I have an Undergraduate Certificate in Social Science, and letters after my name Cert Soc Sci (Open).

Just needed to share!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Compulsory 'Education'

I've stopped believing in compulsory education.

I think I stopped believing in it a long time ago, but it's such a no-no, like saying that you don't believe in equality or democracy, that the thoughts didn't materialise in my mind.

But... I was listening to a psychiatrist on Radio Australia who described compulsory education as eleven years of involuntary detention, and that's exactly how I felt about my schooling. It, the school, was full of unprincipled, violent people in charge breaking the spirits of children who didn't want to be there.

Though here I am as an adult doing a mature degree and loving it.

How about letting children leave early with certain conditions. One, they can pass and get a certificate in basic literacy and numeracy, and in addition, either their parent's consent OR they can find a job.

But, they still have the right to eleven years of state education. So whatever years they have left, they can take as vouchers and use whenever they want.

Let them out into the world, the real world, party, party, party, fun, fun, fun... for a couple of weeks, then two years of burger-flipping on minimum wage. Then they can come back if they want and get more qualifications. And they will, motivated and focused. Yes, it will cost more as they'll need living costs paid until the vouchers are used up. BUT, it would be cheaper in real terms, because previously the state was paying for an education they were hell bent on refusing and wouldn't have finished, no benefit to them, no benefit to the state.

It benefits everyone.

1 - The ones that take the offer to leave, do so, have a taste of freedom and responsibility, then come back motivated and get qualifications they wouldn't have obtained otherwise.
2 - The ones who don't take the offer but stay for eleven continous years have an environment removed of those who resented being there, less disruption.
3 - Same benefit as for two for the teachers.
4 - The state would, over time, have more qualified people.

Yes. BAN compulsory education.

There is Nothing to Defend and No Story to Weave

People spend a lot of time defending themselves. I don't mean physically, with swords or kung fu blocks or something. I mean, in an unexamined consciousness, there is an assumed sense of self, a kind of 'essense of you' inside the mind. This is who you are and this is what's happened to you; so you have a self and a story. If someone critisises this then it needs to be defended. Someone suggests that you don't work as hard as you might say. The initial reaction is defensive. Perhaps you consider this statement in the light of the self's story, i.e. what's happened in your life so far, and decide that this isn't true, and so argue.

It's not just the story of your self that needs to be defended or it's qualities. Your self also has values and opinions. When you hear a contrary one, you feel you have to state your self's position, to defend it or evangelise it.

But if you close your eyes and look for the 'self', there's just ever-changing consciousness.

Maybe that's disconcerting, so you try harder to locate self. Perhaps sit down daily for an extended period looking for the permenent 'you' inside your mind. The most you can find is an awareness in the passing moment that has access to memories of what has been previously percieved by the senses begining a few years after consciousness became aware in the body. This gives rise to a sense of a self with a story existing in the mind when you choose to think about it.

But a memory isn't a self.

When you stop thinking about it, the mind goes onto something else.

So many interactions between people or thoughts in the mind are trying to weave a story about a self that doesn't exist. Like two silly people spending their whole lives arguing over a ball of wool and during the fight it gets all unravelled and now there's no ball, just a long piece of string and they are confused as to where the ball went. It's gone, they're just left with the world and the rest of their lives.

... a long while

Is it really eight months? In some ways it seems much less, in others more.

But I haven't been idle. I have, finally, started my degree. I first started trying about eighteen years ago, taking night classes, but was talked out of it by a careers advisor (she said the maths would be too hard).

I have just two exams to go, then I'm done. I have a 76% average, which is considered a good pass. This is in social science, but I've also started a comuting course. About four or five years and I should have done it. It's a lot of work though, this is why I haven't posted.

I stayed in Thailand for six months, as I was carrying everything I own in the world right down to my birth certificate, and I wanted to archive my pictures and work so I didn't have to carry it, then I traveled back to Hong Kong by land. I got as far as Hanoi but had to go back as I couldn't get the visas! That makes it the second time I've failed on the Hong Kong to Bangkok attempt Never mind.

And that's what I've done. Everything else goes well (apart from the economy). Though there's a 'YES, WE CAN' president. Usually I don't follow politics. But I read something he said about not 'valuing our security over our ideals', and that sounds promising.


I have ideas for more regular posts, many involving pictures, but it all depends on time.

I'll try, inbetween following my star.

Birthday Post

It's my birthday today (don't ask!).

And I have the best present in the world... I'm back, writing this from a cybercafe in Wanchai, Hong Kong.

Yes, I ended up being trapped in England for five weeks! But I did attain my objectives:

1 -- I legally changed my name, and thus all associated ID's. I am now called Jaydin A. Starr.
2 -- Got a new 10 year biometric passport.
3 -- Started university studies. Legally enrolled and heading to a degree.
4 -- Formally took the Buddhist (Zen) precepts at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey.
5 -- Stopped smoking.
6 -- Have left nothing behind me (i.e. I'm carrying all my possessions in the world).

I've been here nearly a week, Oh, so nice to get back.

Here's a picture I took a couple of days ago. By pure coincidence, I was sitting in a fast-food restaurant when they ran past with the Olympic torch (honestly).

Afterwards there were loads of Chinese people waving Chinese flags, though most of them had been specially driven in from Guangzhou. I took this picture of a girl waving a flag patriotically. I like it because her friend taking a picture of her has a Manchester United shirt on.



I'll try and post more interesting things soon.

Still Going, and Back for a While

Well, I've crossed from North Thailand to Guangzhou, just above Hong Kong. I'm flying back to England on 14th March. Only for three weeks; don't worry, I'm still on the search for simplicity and Nirvanah.

I'm actually going up to take the Buddhist Precepts formally (Jukai) at Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey in North England, while I wait for a new passport. I'll also sell the absolute last of my possessions, change my name by deed poll and hopefully be back there the start of April. I thought I'd put up a couple of recent pics.



This was the view from my room in Dali, China, north of where I entered.



Don't worry, I'm eating well. This was a simple eggplant dish. Goddam ambrosia.



This is on the way to foreigner street in Yangshou. I was back there about ten months ago; very nice to get back, and of course a lot of people remembered me.

All the pictures are here (Google album)...

Thailand to Yangshou 08

Not sure if I'll be able to post while I'm in Europe. Maybe I'll find Nirvana while in the temple and can come back with perfect wisdom? Either way, please be lucky in your own searches for freedom and contentment. I'll post more answers as my life uncovers them.

Self and Manifesting Kilesas

This is a map showing the three main delusions of Buddhism, greed, hate and delusion. The idea of the diagram is, after a long time observing the mind, it's possible to see many repeating varitions in thoughts and daydreams, on the same themes. So the self exists in the centre of the diagram. The are various fantasies in the mind, they are bason on aversion to something that happened in the past, or a desire for something to happen in the future etc.

There are some examples from an observation of my own mind. At the bottom left, it says 'school, starving and psychopath'. I've noticed there's a mental sequence that often plays, seemingly without my volition, in my mind, and it's about people, 'teachers and educators', being sadistic to me, cruel and hurtful (something that happened daily) and the fantasy continues (usually without my awareness at that point) to myself being at the same age and having decided not to eat anymore, I'm starving to death and free of the torment.

There's also a rarer fantasy, of myself at that age being diagnosed as having a psychopathic illness. I don't, incidentally! I don't even eat meat for pacifist reasons. But in the daydream, I've been diagnosed as dangerous, and the people around me are fearful and stay away from me.
So these two habitual fantasies, are based on aversion to the past.

But there's another daydream which starts often, which is being falsely accused of things I haven't done, usually by policemen, and going through the criminal justice system.
The word 'injustice' has been highlighted, because this is something that runs through all of them. In my past, there was this sadism and cruelty to me, and I've obviously carried it and now if fires avoidant type daydreams concerning my past and projections of the same basic emotion of pain I don't deserve as an aversion to a possible future.

The emotion this mindlessness causes fuels energy to the self which weaves the story of my past and future around itself and projects expectations onto other people and the future itself.
The idea of the diagram itself was to try and make some sense of the insight one gains into the self after an established mindfulness practice bears some fruit. Possibly the patterns that emerge can be linked to the life situation that one has created.

Although presently, I'm not sure this is a great idea. One has to bear in mind that the idea is to extinguish the self and be free of suffering, to pay to much attention to the mechanisms of self might in itself give it too much energy, and I'd be 'discovering myself with psychology' rather than 'freeing myself with Nirvana', thus it's not a practice I've continued.