Self and Manifesting Kilesas

This is a map showing the three main delusions of Buddhism, greed, hate and delusion. The idea of the diagram is, after a long time observing the mind, it's possible to see many repeating varitions in thoughts and daydreams, on the same themes. So the self exists in the centre of the diagram. The are various fantasies in the mind, they are bason on aversion to something that happened in the past, or a desire for something to happen in the future etc.

There are some examples from an observation of my own mind. At the bottom left, it says 'school, starving and psychopath'. I've noticed there's a mental sequence that often plays, seemingly without my volition, in my mind, and it's about people, 'teachers and educators', being sadistic to me, cruel and hurtful (something that happened daily) and the fantasy continues (usually without my awareness at that point) to myself being at the same age and having decided not to eat anymore, I'm starving to death and free of the torment.

There's also a rarer fantasy, of myself at that age being diagnosed as having a psychopathic illness. I don't, incidentally! I don't even eat meat for pacifist reasons. But in the daydream, I've been diagnosed as dangerous, and the people around me are fearful and stay away from me.
So these two habitual fantasies, are based on aversion to the past.

But there's another daydream which starts often, which is being falsely accused of things I haven't done, usually by policemen, and going through the criminal justice system.
The word 'injustice' has been highlighted, because this is something that runs through all of them. In my past, there was this sadism and cruelty to me, and I've obviously carried it and now if fires avoidant type daydreams concerning my past and projections of the same basic emotion of pain I don't deserve as an aversion to a possible future.

The emotion this mindlessness causes fuels energy to the self which weaves the story of my past and future around itself and projects expectations onto other people and the future itself.
The idea of the diagram itself was to try and make some sense of the insight one gains into the self after an established mindfulness practice bears some fruit. Possibly the patterns that emerge can be linked to the life situation that one has created.

Although presently, I'm not sure this is a great idea. One has to bear in mind that the idea is to extinguish the self and be free of suffering, to pay to much attention to the mechanisms of self might in itself give it too much energy, and I'd be 'discovering myself with psychology' rather than 'freeing myself with Nirvana', thus it's not a practice I've continued.

Present Moment Magic

A map showing how staying in the moment, rather than focusing on desires in the future or lack in the past, increases presence and assists manifestation of positive desires.

Magic Sensation Map

I made this map well over a year ago. It shows my idea for a new sensation-way of practising/manifesting magic. It's quite involved but I'll try and explain how I drew it.

At the top left there are two little figures with 'sensation map' written by them, and dots over the figures. This is based on my observations that:

• The energy that manifests magic is the energy of emotion


• The energy that prevents manifestation is the energy of emotions


• The energy that creates our past and future is the energy of emotions


• The energy that creates positive manifestations in the future is positive belief and expectation


• The energy that creates negative manifestations in the future is negative belief and negative expectation


• All emotions have a corresponding energy


• The emotions felt in our body in any moment are experienced in physical sensations

Therefore, the system of magic I came up with involved making two human figure diagrams, one positive and one negative. While practicing magic, positive expectations (and thus karma/the future) were noted on the positive diagram, and the energy moved from the body to the diagram. The same was done with any spontaneous negative emotions/expectation. My system also made use of a 'storage system', basically, a small bottle of water carried permanently, to move negative sensation/emotion into moment-to-moment when it was noted.

The practice was, the sensation maps were used daily, the water transference constantly (whenever the negative sensation was noted). After one moon cycle (well, half actually), i.e. new to full moon, then the energy was released and grounded respectively, the negative by burying and the positive by burning.

The bottom left part of the diagram shows the idea was also to keep moment-to-moment consciousness in the present motion by focusing the the pure sensations.

Bottom right, the modalities part shows what to do with negative memories/thoughts, i.e. locate where they seem to be in consciouness/the body and transfer the energy to the water/away from the body. The mental pictures can be lessened by making them smaller or darker in consciousness. The 'ten possibilities' part means, once the negativity has passed, the practice was to dwell on, or come up with, at least ten positive possibilities contrary to the proceeding negativity, to reorientate the mind to positive/negative energy/sensations for later transference to the map.

Top right of the diagram shows the ethics of the system, i.e. make sure that magical goals/intentions have Nirvana/end of suffering as an ultimate goal and are within the precepts.

Yes, this was a very involved practice, and I'm practicing a much simplified and improved system now. All I can say is, it worked for me. I'm sitting here typing this in the situation I hoped to create. Watch this space for further additions/explanations/instructions on my method.

Chinese Rat Year Objectives

First post of the Chinese New Year. I've been working on a plan of what I hope to achive over the next two years. It's called 'The Dharma Willing Plan', as we live with impermanence and I can't be certain I'll even be here tomorrow.

But if I am, then I have a plan, or the work I want to do, study etc. It's a huge plan, with contacts, addresses, things to find out. It's colour coded, so contacts are one colour, steps to take are highlighted, bold and another colour, information I need to find out is another colour again. It'll be ongoing, as I change course and edited as lesser goals come and go, but the broad direction, dharma willing, remains the same. It's good to have such a general direction, as it ensures that the little mundane things I do here and there today are in keeping with my overall objectives, and it's also somewhere to store useful pieces of information, possibilities and contacts as I go along.

I'm posting just the first bit, rather than pages of meaningless contacts and phone numbers and questions, just to give the idea. The plan starts with pure objectives. Some of it uses a bit of personal code so it won't all make perfect sense.

Why don't you write up your lifeplan like this, broad goals, helpful contacts, more info needed. It's good direction.... something to think about!

Dharma Willing Ongoing Chronology

Put where more information is needed in lime green.

Orange indicates a choice needed to be made.

Blue is something to be done/a step/action.

 

Objectives

 

 Writing

 

The Magic Buddha

 

•      Write a book about magic and magical thinking in the practice of Buddhism
•      Publish
•      Market
•      Submit to agents and publishers

 

Strawberries

 

• Write a book about romantic obsession and spirituality
• Publish
• Market
• Submit to agents and publishers

 

The Drifters Guide to Education

 

•      Basically all the research I've done myself, concerning studying without a permanent address, corrected and rewritten. Published as a free or nearly free ebook.

 

Marketing/Web site

 

• Run and maintain a regular newsletter
• Run and maintain a regular podcast
• Complete and sell an audiobook via podiobooks
• Have ongoing inspirational pictures for sale and as a standalone website

 

 

Studying

 

•      Start studying at university level
•      Obtain at least a university diploma
•      Obtain a degree
•      Honours

 

Residence

 

•  Establish some permanent link to a country, via residence visa/nationality

 

Travel

 

• See J or at least go to Japan to lessen the obsession, with reality.
• See Korea, Japan and Mongolia
• Do the Trans-siberian trip
• Do a trip to/from Europe via central Asia. Possibly one big loop eg. HK to London and back again, tied it with exams.
• Do a bus/rail pass journey of Europe to see as many countries as possible there

 

Spirituality

 

• Free myself of romantic obsession
• Strengthen practice
• Visit a monastery at least yearly
• Become a stream-winner
• Find Nirvana

 

Timeline

 

• Go to HK
• Go to UK
• Start studying
• Back to Asia. Overland to Bangkok and back, studying, and complete The Magic Buddha and Strawberries. Commence and establish podcast and newsletter.
• Submit work to agents/publishers.
•  Three last Far Eastern Countries - cure J obsession
• Start second university year
• Finish second year
• Back to UK by land via central Asia. Exams.
• Doctor. Tests.
• Take stock and decide next move. Options
  •      Finish Degree
  •      Ordane
  •      Work
  •      Live from writing
  •      Move/stay in one place
  •      Alternative

Kilesas, Greed, Hate and Delusion, Covering Our Wounded Heart

How the three root kilesas of greed hate and delusion conspire to hold us back. Inside is the suffering in our closed heart, and that is denied with delusion, and there's delusion within about what we can do about that pain, and so we project greed, based on denying the fact of impermanence, into the world, and have aversion to things in the world, based on the delusion that a self exists seperately from things it perceives.

Karma, Intention, Magic and Spells

This sketch shows the different components involved in a 'spell' in western magical beliefs/new age theories. I think it ties in to the first line of the Dharmapada and Buddhist ideas of Karma and intention. How exactly it ties in I don't know... but I'm starting to get ideas about it.

Hindrences to Meditation 2

Self-explanatory diagram (improved) of the hindrences to concentration.

The Hindrences to Meditation

A fairly self-explanatory diagram of the five Buddhist hindrences to meditation.

Healing Repeating Thoughts

This starts top right, as a person begins meditation. Soon thoughts and feelings arise and break concentration. These are mundane thoughts, for example something that was on TV or a minor worry. But usually each of these thoughts would become a thought-CHAIN because you give each one energy and allow it progress into another.

However, because you're meditating, you don't do that. You merely observe each thought, without pushing or pulling; just allowing, and allow it to fade (it will; it's impermanent like everything else).

Dropping down in the diagram, a little concentration is established, and in the peace of the mind, without the usual pushing resistance or mental noise, all the repressed thoughts, secret agendas, forgotten hurts and future fears arise from deep in the mind. Again, allowing not pushing, each one comes and goes according to it's impermanent nature. Finally, there's some peace in the mind.

As you take reign of the mind, you can choose what to give energy to, such as following the precepts and making life simpler, rather that just letting the mind do all it can to weave a story around the pain it's hiding.

Freeing Feelings from Ego-Story

I made this a very long time ago and can't remember exactly what I was thinking when I drew it. I'll explain it retrospectively as best I can.

It starts at top left number one. We have our feelings in our heart in the centre, and our feelings can make us feel vunerable or unsafe, so we make up a lot of story about identity and sour grapes pretending we don't want what we do or things didn't hurt us that did or how other people did this or that to us; basically any diversion for us to focus on, any complicated story, so that we can focus on that rather than the pain in our vunerable hearts.

Over to top left, number two. We give up the story and just admit, yes, I worry no one will like me, it hurts when I'm rejected, I feel stupid when people laugh at me, it seems other people are better than me. So there's just pain, sadness, as sensation in out bodies and mind, and we live with it, but can still have best wishes or positive thinking for ourselves.

Down to bottom left, number three. Once we let go of our stories and feel our pain, we can see the pain behind other people's stories and can become more compassionate and practice loving kindness.

Bottom right, we hopefully, become free, happy and open.

Concentration

I don't remember where I read it, but there was a description of developing concentration in meditation, which described it as 'becoming like a cat intently watching some prey... ready to pounce at any moment'. That really resonated with me... and that's kind of how it is.

You are on breath, concentrating on breath I mean, and each period of concentration is just a few seconds until you're off thinking about something else. But then you become like that intent cat... or cat full of intent. You make a resolution that you WILL do it, and energy and presence comes forth, and you're watching yourself watching yourself watching yourself, just waiting for the slight wavering of resolve or the first little glimmer of a thought. What you are actually doing is letting go of absolutely everything other than being here and breathing right here and now, with full energy, and that is meditation; and meditation is that, and nothing else at all.

I don't particularly like the sketch. If I was a better artist, I would have made a cat staring intently at itself in a mirror? So, I'm not sure how I'll redraw it digitally to convey what I was trying to say... but I love a challenge sometimes.

Core Buddhist Principles Sketch

The idea of this picture was to convey the principles of Buddhism via the main lists, in a single pictures... though it's ended up a little cluttered to be worth actually finishing. It's still a good idea though; I'm not giving up yet!

Holding on and Letting Go

In these pictures, I was trying to convey my observation of the difference in consciousness when I'm practicing letting go and non-grasping of my thoughts, as opposed to the usual 'hold and fuel' policy that the mind seems to delight in during the default mode of creating suffereing.

Yoga Nidra

This is a picture trying to convey a sinking experience, both in body and mind, which can be felt very strongly during progressive relaxation, trance induction and Yoga Nidra (the latter being deep states of relaxation based on rotating awareness in a fast and rymthic manner around the whole body).

These two pictures are based on my personal experience of meditation. Sometimes, when meditating, I try and locate my consciousness; exactly where consciousness is in relation to my body. It seems centred around the eyes, but that's because they have the strongest sense input. But when I concentrate, the sense of where 'I' am changes, it can be in more than one place. If I'm in physical pain, it can go to the location of the pain, as well as being around my eyes inside my skull. The longer I look it can also be outside my skull, away from my body.

I've heard that when a person with the Deva Eye (clairvoyance) watches a human consciousness in the mental world, it's like a swarm of fireflies flying around. Not having one definite location, but swarming around mental objects as it thinks about different things.

This is the first picture I drew in the book. I remember meditating in St. James Church in Picadilly London and conceiving it as I tried to explain the perception of my consciousness filling a whole church. Then I drew it up over a soda water in a pub in Finchley.

I made the digital graphic in Thailand, and here I am in China writing it up! I'm still not happy with it, but it's in the ballpark for now.

Date: 7th Febuary 2008

I'm actually in China for the year of the rat. I'm sitting in Jinghong, South West China, with firecrackers exploding outside, and everyone in festive mood.

I've decided to post some pictures from my notebook today. I often understand new information and order my ideas as diagrams, pictures and mindmaps. I've been carrying my current sketchbook for well over a year, and I've made a little headway in transfering these pictures to my website via the Gimp. These pictures will appear in the two books I'm currently working on.

I'm posting them as they are, some half finished, some only rough, as they're still useful.
Some of the pictures are based on my own experience of spirituality, experiences which were better shown as pictures rather than try and explain them. Others are based on own idea and speculations about magic, life and meaning, and many explain the fundementals of Buddhism in a graphical way (or at least try to).

Concerning this first one...

Much of Buddhism was explained in the form of lists. This probably had two benefits. One, because the teachings weren't written down until a long time after the Buddha's passing, it meant that the practice could be handed down as an oral practice.

But also there is some benefit in remembering the lists. For example, to have memorised the five hindrences to concentration means they're easily recognised when they arise, and aren't complicated by making them more than they are. Rather than getting caught up in, oh, I'm so tired, all my body is falling asleep, or, I can't meditate, what if I've left the oven on, what are my children up to etc etc etc, it can be simply labeled 'sloth' and 'restlessness' and then let go of an concentration returned to.

These lists are some of the lesser known ones rather than the core lists, but still helpful to know/reflect on.

I'm not wholly happy with the standard of artwork, but I'm just learning so it will do for now, just so I can archive it and throw away my notebook.







This picture appears at http://followyourstar.zxq.net/growing/zen-thoughtclassification.html.

Main site is: www.followyourstar.co.uk